HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY TO YOU ALL

I am especially proud to be an Aussie, watching the wonderful 'spirit' of Jessica in the Southern Atlantic and Shaun in the ditch out near Lord Howe Island ... both coping with the elements in all their forms.

Thinking back to Captain Cook, the First Fleet with Captain Phillip, it's amazing how far our great country has come in so short a time.

Talking of post holes ................................
Karl drilled 15 yesterday ........................
what to do with them????????????
just think of how many have been dug over the last 222 years!


Barby

Good to see you Sally.

Abby Sunderland set sail from Los Angeles in her 12 metre (40 ft) yacht five days ago. She wants to be the youngest solo sailor to circumnavigate the globe, dealing with storms, ships, pirates and rocks unaided. She is 4 months younger than Jessica.

http://www.abbysunderland.com

Her older brother Zac, sailed around the world last year breaking several records.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zac_Sunderland

Jessica Watson said yesterday, “I only wish her the best of luck and am totally thrilled that there's another girl going for the record!”

http://www.youngestround.blogspot.com

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

Barry

good ones Bern!

Pam, that's the best solution ... I have just done it!

Now I reckon I can delete

'Cleaning'

'Washing'

'Ironing'

'Grocery Shopping'

'Vacuuming'

'Dusting'


Thanks so much, now my life will be my own.

Barby

MORNING FORUMITES , morn bern
not much doing this morning , like everyone else ,I had a agood sleep last night
..........no tennis.......to keep me out of bed

smile

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how
is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I
have just one problem.

It 's these breasts You have given me. The middle one pushes the other
two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on
branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came
in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only
two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was My first shot at this,
you know.
I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half
of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

" Well, Eve, how is My favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the
animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All
the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that
useless Tit?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

bern

Young Jessica is still doing well and on her way to Cape of Good Hope.

She is near the island called Tristan da Cunha (Saint Helena); the main settlement of the island is Edinburgh of the Seven Seas. It was damaged in a volcanic eruption on the island in 1961 which forced the entire population to abandon the settlement and move to the UK. The few that stayed set up hoses that would automatically spray water on the lava, to cool the lava at the front, and send the rest behind it to change course or to freeze. I remember this happening!!!!!

The American 16 year-old Abby Sunderland had to stop due to prolems needing repairs, so our Jessica is still sailing on, going well. Go Jess ....

Barby

MORNING FORUMITES
we are getting good rain in the night ,this morn every thing outside the tent ,is green, green .
smile



Dear Lord,


Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm
And safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to GOD.Com


Amen


bern

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:-
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Seaford .
Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
They ride around on their gophers and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.
The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too..
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

Isn't that cute?
Barby

Barby – When you reach retardment like me, It is very useful to have a GPS in your car or on your walking frame or golf cart in case you forget your way home.

Jessica is about 2/3 of the way from Cape Horn to the Cape of Good Hope. Then there is nothing in the way until Australia.
http://www.jessicawatson.com.au/the-voyage

She has passed the 12,500 nautical mile (nm) mark or 23,150 kilometres. She expects to do about 23,000 nm or 38,000 km to get back to Sydney.



Shaun Quincey has had rough time this week with the weather taking him back the wrong way towards Australia. http://www.tasmantrespasser.com

He is now heading north east.


A cop was sitting in his car outside a bar waiting for the drunks to come out. Sure enough a very drunk man soon staggers out. He stumbles around putting his keys into different cars until he finally find his. He gets in and fumbles around some more trying to get the car started.

The cop watches him and soon the lot is empty and they guy is still trying to start his car. They guy finally gets the car started so the cop stops him and gives him a Breathalyzer test. It reads 0.0.

The cop is stunned and asks they guy how can you be so drunk and get a reading of 0.0. The guy answers "Because I'm not drunk. I'm the designated decoy."

Barry

MORNING FORUMITES ...morn bern and 1 guest
Start the day

smile

A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa.

A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and
Welcome the new guy to the region.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running
Around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese Customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to
Knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man
Urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another
'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door,
He sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and
Then put his head next to the bull's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man
And says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs?
I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around
The yard after hens.
The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have
Your head so close to that bull's bum, it could just about shit on you.'

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand.
These no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.''

What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.

'Yes they are', replied the Chinese man, 'man at travel agent say to become true Australian,
I must learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull-shit.'

bern

Jessica is going well, although being bounced about by the weather.
http://www.youngestround.blogspot.com

Shaun has been stuck in his cabin for 7 days unable to row due to rough weather.
http://www.tasmantrespasser.com


Where I live we have had about 70 mm of rain over the last 4 days. Best rain for many moons. A lot fell in the water catchments for Sydney. How was the rain where you live?

Here are a dozen more smiles from Steven Wright, the quirky American stand up comedian.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except
I have to leave the driveway doing 100 KPH.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me
what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the owner was
locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He
said, "Yes, but not in a row."

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child....eventually.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
prescription ran out.

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, is it a joke?

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old
lady had to help me across the street.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

I was going 80 kilometres per hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know that the speed limit is 60 kilometres per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."

Barry

MORNING FORUMITES ,and 1 guest
not much going on at the tent , think I will put up a 1 man tent behind this one so I will have somewhere to hide from Nan ,she finds me easy in this tent ,as there are no corners to hide in

smile

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve

And the first thing he said was
' DON'T !'

'Don 't what ? '
Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
God said.

'Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit ?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '



' No Way ! '
'Yes way ! '

'Do NOT eat the fruit ! '
said God.




'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants

A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? '
God asked.





'Uh huh,'
Adam replied.

'Then why did you ? '
said the Father.

'I don't know,'
said Eve.
'She started it! '
Adam said.

'Did not ! '
'Did too ! '
'DID NOT ! '

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

bern

MORNING FORUMITES and 2 guest
Pam it gets worse,its what I call the forgetable age,,you are doing something , and you know what you want
so you walk 6 steps , stop , and think, where am I going??,and why?? Dont worry , it only gets worse

smile

Cat Lover or Not, this is funny!


We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'


If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

bern

MORNING FORUMITES
Strike me lucky, had trouble getting to sleep last night , wot , with all the rain and the hot steamy day follow up , the grass is growing that quick , its making a roar all night, can not sleep for its noise.
Barby ..your so true .Nan and self , are up the street, Nan feels like a drink ,we go into a cafe we always thought it looked nice , we go in and the waitress said ' The usual'

smile

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black . . . . .



Doctor: “What happened?"



Woman: " Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."



Doctor: "I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".



2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.




Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled
repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.



Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"

bern

Hi everyone,

Happy Valentine's xxx

Hey Barby, I've dug a trench around mine still dry , so far so good.

smile

Number One Idiot, so far in 2009

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away..

Number Two Idiot so far in 2009

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.

Number Three Idiot so far in 2009

A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and
wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and
crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland .
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
the Bank of Queensland . Happened in Noosa!

Number Four Idiot so far in 2009

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two
hours later.

Number Five Idiot so far in 2009

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The
first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him..

Number Six Idiot so far in 2009

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The
brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on
videotape.. Perth WA .

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger..
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Melbourne .

JUST AN IDIOT :

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.

Aunty Sal

MORNING FORUMITES
well young Jess is on the half way mark which is good news , I have not heard about the other girl a bit younger than Jess , how she is going??

at last I know about That dot

An Indian Mystery revealed

Finally someone has cleared this up for me...
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot

on their foreheads. Most of us have naively

thought this was connected with marriage or

religion, but the Indian High Commission in

Canberra has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings

a dowry into the union.

On her wedding night, the husband scratches

off the dot to see whether he has won:-


A - Taxi license in Brisbane
B - Convenience store in Melbourne

C- Service station in Perth,
D- Kebab shop in Adelaide
E- Take away cafe in Sydney



If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

bern

HELLO-o-o-o

Anybody there ???????????

Yes Barby, that was a good start for the Olympics for our team.

It is four months since Jessica Watson sailed from Sydney on 18 October. She has passed the 14,000 nautical mile mark of her solo circumnavigation. She is heading south east into cold wet and windy conditions She’s got just under 600nm sailing to pass under the Cape of Good Hope, the southern tip of South Africa. http://youngestround.blogspot.com

Shaun Quincey has been paddling the ditch for 31 days. He is about half way as the crow flies. The wind and currents keep him going in circles, but he is making headway towards NZ.
http://www.tasmantrespasser.com

Computer virises.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations around the world.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.


Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.


Aust. Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Barry

I didn’t know who Larry LaPrise was.
By searching the web I found that he did not die last week aged 93.
He died 14 years ago, the 4th of April 1996, aged 83.
I expect that a special coffin was made with room to shake it all about.

Shaun Quincey half way across the Tasman

http://us1.campaign-archive.com/?u=7dd713cef267bc170bb3f8dcc&id=3b7af7f9c3&e=7c00cfa700




A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Sir Jo Bjelke-Petersen had a big one too.

Brett Lee has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Tiger Woods is keeping his hidden at the moment.

Kevin Rudd's wife, Therese Rein, doesn’t use his.


What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

----------------------------------------------------------

The answer is: "Their Last Name."


Barry

Yes Pam, very exciting.

A disastrous run by our bobsleigh double team sliding most of the way on their heads with no obvious physical injury.

Our Rush Labs team have compared Shaun Quincey’s paddle with Justin & James at day 30 and they are in much the same place with half way to go. Is his glass half full or half empty?

See their maps at:
http://rushlabs.com/2010/02/tasman-trespasser-halfway-expedition-analysis/

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.


Barry

MORNING FORUMITES
Yes barby I agree with your view ,
My way of thinking ,is that the ownersnever thought about it been close to their song, BUT one day having a beer with a chap with a chip on his shoulder ,says" have you notice that is close to your tune , take them to court you might get a quid out of it "
why is it today you cannot live a quite life ,the only thing they { who is they? } havent bared is farting in the park , send me back to 1950,
you could say Hallo and get one back , go away for 2weeks and never think of locking the house,
the only mugging was to getting a drink out of it ' pubs shut at 6pm, no fights at 2am as every one was home in bed asleep
Me and 6 mates ,missed the last train home we had 7 miles to walk , about half way there a car pulled up a policeman got out,{they used their own car then}..... "what are you young buggers up to '.." missed the last train and walking home" ...each of us got a kick up the bum and told to walk farster
we never miss the last train again and best of all DAD never found out , we would of got more than a kick up the ring

bern

If you are thinking of cooking turkey at Easter, here are instructions .. by a kindergarten student

The grocery store gets the turkey by hunting in the forest. You yell "turkeys" and the turkeys come running, and then they kill them.
They wash the turkeys by putting them in the shower and using soap and a sponge. Dry it off with a big towel.
Poke a hole in the front of the turkey. Put the things that are out inside the body like the head, legs, arms, beak, eyes and nose. Now you can't see those parts.
Take off the feathers. Peal the skin off the turkey. Then you wash the turkey again.
Add stuffing, potatoes, and apple juice.
Put some bones inside the turkey because I saw bones sticking out of it once.
Put chicken in the turkey because it smells yummy.
Cook it in the oven for 20 minutes.
It will ding and it looks yummy.

Barby

Hello Everyone,

smile

Subject: The barber


A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop full of customers
and said, 'About 2 hours.'

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in
the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a
haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3
hours.'

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the
shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?*

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About
an hour and a half '

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey,
Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he
goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but
then he doesn't ever come back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy
go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his
eyes and said,

'Your house!'

Aunty Sal

Hello All,
Back for a visit. So much is happening with Shaun, Jessica Watson and now the folks at www.taliskerbountyboat.com (Blog - http://www.bountyboat.blogspot.com/)
Hope all is well. So wonderful to still see this forum going well.
My problem is I follow to many blogs, ahhhh.
Mum (Jan) is going well. Mr. Chip still active and swimming a lot.
Love to all .
Beky

MORNING FORUMITES
Hi , Becky, please say G/Day to MUM
not much fun going on up here, the only thing going great is the grass, nearly that way to cut it twice a week
Jess on her way home , Shaun run into the rats whirlpool he has got guts

smile

Old Fart AFL Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Goal 6 Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Goal, tied score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 12 points to 6.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Goal, tied score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, a
'Point, I lead 13 to 12.' Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally sxxts in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.

bern