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    • CommentAuthorsally
    • CommentTimeJan 25th 2010
     
    Hi Barry and everyone,

    Happy Australia Day to all.

    I'm spending Australia Day with mum and i'm putting cutlets and sausages on the bbq. What better way to spend the day. Bloody hot though.

    Aunty Sal
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeJan 25th 2010
     
    HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY TO YOU ALL

    I am especially proud to be an Aussie, watching the wonderful 'spirit' of Jessica in the Southern Atlantic and Shaun in the ditch out near Lord Howe Island ... both coping with the elements in all their forms.

    Thinking back to Captain Cook, the First Fleet with Captain Phillip, it's amazing how far our great country has come in so short a time.

    Talking of post holes ................................
    Karl drilled 15 yesterday ........................
    what to do with them????????????
    just think of how many have been dug over the last 222 years!


    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES.happy aussie day , OI OI OIfor yesterday,
    Bern went down to the Mighty Manning River ,for a snag sammo and billy tea ,
    got there 1/4- 2- 7am, home at11/30 am ,a great day, and hotter than hot.
    last night we had a storm big light show pleanty of noise , and a tea spoon of rain.


    smile

    Observations on Growing Older


    ~Your kids are becoming you... and you don't like them

    ...but your grandchildren are perfect!

    ~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

    ~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"

    ~When you needed the discount you paid full price.

    Now you get discounts on everything ..

    movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

    ~You forget names ... but it's OK

    because other people forgot

    they even knew you!!!

    ~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose

    is now 15 and you have a better chance

    of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

    ~You realize you're never going

    to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

    ~Your husband is counting on you

    to remember things you don't remember.

    ~The things you used to care to do,

    you no longer care to do,

    but you really do care that you

    don't care to do them anymore.



    ~Remember when your mother said

    "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

    Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

    ~You used to say,

    "I hope my kids GET married ..

    Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

    ~You miss the days when everything worked

    with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

    ~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...

    were unheard of, and a mouse was something

    that made you climb on a table.

    ~You used to use more 4 letter words ...

    "what?"..."when?" ???

    ~Now that you can afford

    expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.



    ~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

    ~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

    ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

    ~Everybody whispers.



    ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...

    2 of which you will never wear.

    ~~~~But old is good in some things:

    old songs

    old movies

    And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!


    bern
  1.  
    Good to see you Sally.

    Abby Sunderland set sail from Los Angeles in her 12 metre (40 ft) yacht five days ago. She wants to be the youngest solo sailor to circumnavigate the globe, dealing with storms, ships, pirates and rocks unaided. She is 4 months younger than Jessica.

    http://www.abbysunderland.com

    Her older brother Zac, sailed around the world last year breaking several records.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zac_Sunderland

    Jessica Watson said yesterday, “I only wish her the best of luck and am totally thrilled that there's another girl going for the record!”

    http://www.youngestround.blogspot.com

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

    Barry
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES.
    the ditch is getting a work out , plus 2 teen ages out on the big seas,
    Good luck ,and GOD bless them in their dream

    smile


    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a set of bathroom scales.

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


    When I got home last night, my w ife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started...

    bern
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeJan 27th 2010
     
    good ones Bern!
    • CommentAuthorwhitneypam
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2010
     
    Hello everyone

    I have been off the air for a while completing a course and then having to finish the assignments.
    Of course when I came back from the course all the work had piled up at work.
    The Boss said he had enough on his plate with my being out of the office to do YOUR WORK!
    I have finally caught up so I will leave you with a smile

    1. Create a new folder in your PC .

    2. Name it 'Housework.'

    3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

    4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

    5. Your PC will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'

    6. Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly .....

    7. Feel better?


    Works for me!

    Pam
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeJan 29th 2010
     
    Pam, that's the best solution ... I have just done it!

    Now I reckon I can delete

    'Cleaning'

    'Washing'

    'Ironing'

    'Grocery Shopping'

    'Vacuuming'

    'Dusting'


    Thanks so much, now my life will be my own.

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeJan 31st 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    I have been a bit slack of late [who said good ]
    got a lot of other to think aboutand this hot weather is not helping
    off to the Dr today to give his monthly payment on his new car, I am buying him

    a good old smile


    Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he
    Saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.

    After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, 'Murphy, I am so glad
    Ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?"

    Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced
    Me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat
    Just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I
    Also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he
    Would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after
    Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

    The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat.
    What changed your mind?"

    Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I
    Decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

    The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou
    Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in
    Hell, right?"

    Murphy slowly shook his head and said, "No, Father, after ya talked about
    'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

    bern
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 1st 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES , morn bern
    not much doing this morning , like everyone else ,I had a agood sleep last night
    ..........no tennis.......to keep me out of bed

    smile

    After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how
    is everything going?" inquired God.

    "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
    are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I
    have just one problem.

    It 's these breasts You have given me. The middle one pushes the other
    two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on
    branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

    And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came
    in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only
    two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

    "That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was My first shot at this,
    you know.
    I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half
    of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

    And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
    bushes.

    Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

    " Well, Eve, how is My favorite creation?"

    "Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the
    animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All
    the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

    God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
    could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
    create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that
    useless Tit?"

    Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

    bern
  2.  
    Good morning,

    Let's start the day with a smile

    The Three Little Pigs

    Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
    'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
    'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
    The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
    'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
    'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
    The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
    'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
    'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
    'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
    But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

    You're gonna LOVE me for this....

    The third piggy says -
    'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

    Pam
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2010
     
    Young Jessica is still doing well and on her way to Cape of Good Hope.

    She is near the island called Tristan da Cunha (Saint Helena); the main settlement of the island is Edinburgh of the Seven Seas. It was damaged in a volcanic eruption on the island in 1961 which forced the entire population to abandon the settlement and move to the UK. The few that stayed set up hoses that would automatically spray water on the lava, to cool the lava at the front, and send the rest behind it to change course or to freeze. I remember this happening!!!!!

    The American 16 year-old Abby Sunderland had to stop due to prolems needing repairs, so our Jessica is still sailing on, going well. Go Jess ....

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 2nd 2010
     
    I wasn’t going to do anything today

    So far, I’m right on schedule!


    Housework won’t kill you

    But why take the chance!


    We women are like mobile phones

    But push the wrong button and you’ll be disconnected!


    Money is like manure

    It’s no good unless you spread it around!


    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2010 edited
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    we are getting good rain in the night ,this morn every thing outside the tent ,is green, green .
    smile



    Dear Lord,


    Every single evening
    As I'm lying here in bed,
    This tiny little Prayer
    Keeps running through my head:

    God bless all my family
    Wherever they may be,
    Keep them warm
    And safe from harm
    For they're so close to me.

    And God, there is one more thing
    I wish that you could do;
    Hope you don't mind me asking,
    Please bless my computer too.

    Now I know that it's unusual
    To Bless a motherboard,
    But listen just a second
    While I explain it to you, Lord.

    You see, that little metal box
    Holds more than odds and ends;
    Inside those small compartments
    Rest so many of my friends.

    I know so much about them
    By the kindness that they give,
    And this little scrap of metal
    Takes me in to where they live.

    By faith is how I know them
    Much the same as you.
    We share in what life brings us
    And from that our friendships grew.

    Please take an extra minute
    From your duties up above,
    To bless those in my address book
    That's filled with so much love.

    Wherever else this prayer may reach
    To each and every friend,
    Bless each e-mail inbox
    And each person who hits 'send'.

    When you update your Heavenly list
    On your own Great CD-ROM,
    Bless everyone who says this prayer
    Sent up to GOD.Com


    Amen


    bern
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd 2010
     
    Love it, Bern!
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th 2010
     
    After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

    One child wrote the following:-
    We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
    They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Seaford .
    Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
    They ride around on their gophers and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
    They go to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
    There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.
    At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
    Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
    Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
    And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.
    Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.
    The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.
    My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too..
    When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
    Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

    Isn't that cute?
    Barby
  3.  
    Barby,

    That is so cute - out of the mouth of babes :)

    Pam
  4.  
    Barby – When you reach retardment like me, It is very useful to have a GPS in your car or on your walking frame or golf cart in case you forget your way home.

    Jessica is about 2/3 of the way from Cape Horn to the Cape of Good Hope. Then there is nothing in the way until Australia.
    http://www.jessicawatson.com.au/the-voyage

    She has passed the 12,500 nautical mile (nm) mark or 23,150 kilometres. She expects to do about 23,000 nm or 38,000 km to get back to Sydney.



    Shaun Quincey has had rough time this week with the weather taking him back the wrong way towards Australia. http://www.tasmantrespasser.com

    He is now heading north east.


    A cop was sitting in his car outside a bar waiting for the drunks to come out. Sure enough a very drunk man soon staggers out. He stumbles around putting his keys into different cars until he finally find his. He gets in and fumbles around some more trying to get the car started.

    The cop watches him and soon the lot is empty and they guy is still trying to start his car. They guy finally gets the car started so the cop stops him and gives him a Breathalyzer test. It reads 0.0.

    The cop is stunned and asks they guy how can you be so drunk and get a reading of 0.0. The guy answers "Because I'm not drunk. I'm the designated decoy."

    Barry
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    We have some good smiles this morn,
    We never had all the storms ,that the weather people said was coming, bit like the horse i backed , still coming

    SMILE

    tWO old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.




    The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

    The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

    The 87 year old said, 'Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.'

    So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any rye bread?'

    She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?'

    He said, 'I want 5 loaves.'

    She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.'




    He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.'

    bern
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES ...morn bern and 1 guest
    Start the day

    smile

    A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

    He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa.

    A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and
    Welcome the new guy to the region.
    He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running
    Around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.
    Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese Customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to
    Knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man
    Urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another
    'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door,
    He sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and
    Then put his head next to the bull's bum.

    The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man
    And says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs?
    I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around
    The yard after hens.
    The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have
    Your head so close to that bull's bum, it could just about shit on you.'

    The Chinese man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand.
    These no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.''

    What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.

    'Yes they are', replied the Chinese man, 'man at travel agent say to become true Australian,
    I must learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull-shit.'

    bern
    • CommentAuthorsally
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th 2010
     
    Morning everyone,

    Carn't believe it's already the first anniversary for black saturday. Those families are in my thoughts today.

    Smile

    If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said:

    "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."

    His mind sees things differently than we do to our amazement and amusement.

    Here are some more of his gems:

    1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
    2. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
    3. Half the people you know are below average.
    4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
    7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    8. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
    9. All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
    10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
    cheese.
    11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
    12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
    13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
    14. If everything seems to be going well you have obviously overlooked
    something.
    15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
    17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
    18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
    19. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
    20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
    23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
    24. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    25. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
    26. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    27. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
    bread.
    28. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
    is research.
    29. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
    30. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
    31. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to
    be on it.
    32. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

    Aunty Sal
  5.  
    Jessica is going well, although being bounced about by the weather.
    http://www.youngestround.blogspot.com

    Shaun has been stuck in his cabin for 7 days unable to row due to rough weather.
    http://www.tasmantrespasser.com


    Where I live we have had about 70 mm of rain over the last 4 days. Best rain for many moons. A lot fell in the water catchments for Sydney. How was the rain where you live?

    Here are a dozen more smiles from Steven Wright, the quirky American stand up comedian.

    I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
    furious!

    My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except
    I have to leave the driveway doing 100 KPH.

    I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
    can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me
    what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

    I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the owner was
    locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He
    said, "Yes, but not in a row."

    When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
    I was an only child....eventually.

    I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
    prescription ran out.

    I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."

    If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, is it a joke?

    Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill.

    When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old
    lady had to help me across the street.

    Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

    I was going 80 kilometres per hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know that the speed limit is 60 kilometres per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."

    Barry
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2010
     
    Thanks Barry for those interesting insights

    12. OK, so what's the speed of dark? - - I think it is measured when we have a full moon
    13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? - - I reckon it's when you run out of paper

    I relate to the last one most of all

    32. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. -- I now have a digital one

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES ,and 1 guest
    not much going on at the tent , think I will put up a 1 man tent behind this one so I will have somewhere to hide from Nan ,she finds me easy in this tent ,as there are no corners to hide in

    smile

    To those of us who have children in our lives,
    whether they are our own,
    grandchildren,
    nieces,
    nephews,
    or students...
    here is something to make you chuckle.

    Whenever your children are out of control,
    you can take comfort from the thought that
    even God's omnipotence did not extend
    to His own children.

    After creating heaven and earth,
    God created Adam and Eve

    And the first thing he said was
    ' DON'T !'

    'Don 't what ? '
    Adam replied.

    'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
    God said.

    'Forbidden fruit ?
    We have forbidden fruit ?
    Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '



    ' No Way ! '
    'Yes way ! '

    'Do NOT eat the fruit ! '
    said God.




    'Why ? '

    'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
    God replied,
    wondering why He hadn't stopped
    creation after making the elephants

    A few minutes later,
    God saw His children having an apple break
    and He was ticked !
    'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? '
    God asked.





    'Uh huh,'
    Adam replied.

    'Then why did you ? '
    said the Father.

    'I don't know,'
    said Eve.
    'She started it! '
    Adam said.

    'Did not ! '
    'Did too ! '
    'DID NOT ! '

    Having had it with the two of them,
    God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
    should have children of their own.
    Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

    bern
  6.  
    Some terrific smiles today when I was eventually able to log on.
    I had a senior moment and had to try different passwords to access the forum as it did not recognise me.
    You think I would know it after all this time.

    Pam
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES and 2 guest
    Pam it gets worse,its what I call the forgetable age,,you are doing something , and you know what you want
    so you walk 6 steps , stop , and think, where am I going??,and why?? Dont worry , it only gets worse

    smile

    Cat Lover or Not, this is funny!


    We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

    On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
    Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


    Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

    'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

    'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

    'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

    There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

    Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
    The impact knocked me out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

    Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
    Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

    Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

    'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'


    If they only knew!

    Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

    bern
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2010
     
    Here's a smile for today .. (but don't think it can beat Bern's one)


    A group of 40 year old buddies discussed where they should meet for dinner.
    It was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there had low cut blouses and were very young.

    10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner.
    Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was better than most places and the wine selection was extensive.

    10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner.
    Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

    10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner.
    Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.

    10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner.
    Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.


    What am I doing on this forum????? Have I been on it before?????

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    Strike me lucky, had trouble getting to sleep last night , wot , with all the rain and the hot steamy day follow up , the grass is growing that quick , its making a roar all night, can not sleep for its noise.
    Barby ..your so true .Nan and self , are up the street, Nan feels like a drink ,we go into a cafe we always thought it looked nice , we go in and the waitress said ' The usual'

    smile

    A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black . . . . .



    Doctor: “What happened?"



    Woman: " Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."



    Doctor: "I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".



    2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.




    Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled
    repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.



    Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"

    bern
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2010
     
    How are all the tents through the big wet???
    • CommentAuthorsally
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2010
     
    Hi everyone,

    Happy Valentine's xxx

    Hey Barby, I've dug a trench around mine still dry , so far so good.

    smile

    Number One Idiot, so far in 2009

    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
    poison control centre.
    Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
    daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
    harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
    hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
    mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
    kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
    emergency room right away..

    Number Two Idiot so far in 2009

    Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
    a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
    of the plane and home.
    Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
    Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.
    It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
    beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
    employed at Boeing.

    Number Three Idiot so far in 2009

    A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and
    wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
    While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
    to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
    police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and
    crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
    line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from
    his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
    told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
    written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either
    have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland .
    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.
    He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
    the Bank of Queensland . Happened in Noosa!

    Number Four Idiot so far in 2009

    A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
    of the cash from the cash drawer.
    After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
    Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
    cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
    'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but
    the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
    him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his
    wallet and gave it to the clerk.
    The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
    she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
    his loot.
    The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
    the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two
    hours later.

    Number Five Idiot so far in 2009

    A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The
    first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
    first bandit shot him..

    Number Six Idiot so far in 2009

    Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
    throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
    So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The
    brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
    window was made of Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on
    videotape.. Perth WA .

    IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

    My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger..
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
    he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
    Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
    asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
    knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
    would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    Happened in Melbourne .

    JUST AN IDIOT :

    When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we
    were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
    feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
    handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
    This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.

    Aunty Sal
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 13th 2010
     
    Sal, you come up with some good ones.

    I'm doing Barry's job reporting on our adventurers (I think he is away)

    I've just been checking on Jessica's progress towards the tip of South Africa.. she is probably about a week away - that's my reckoning by looking at the google map. She is about to cross the Prime Meridian into the Eastern Hemisphere, heading towards Capetown. She's doing well so far and hope she has a smooth trip around the Cape of Good Hope. She had lots of dolphins (hundreds) keeping her company for a while - just beautiful.

    Our other adventurer, Shaun in his kayak, was pushed backwards for many days and now is progressing forwards towards NZ - that Ditch has lots of tricks to cope with.

    Barby and the post hole digger
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 15th 2010 edited
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    well young Jess is on the half way mark which is good news , I have not heard about the other girl a bit younger than Jess , how she is going??

    at last I know about That dot

    An Indian Mystery revealed

    Finally someone has cleared this up for me...
    For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot

    on their foreheads. Most of us have naively

    thought this was connected with marriage or

    religion, but the Indian High Commission in

    Canberra has recently revealed the true story.

    When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings

    a dowry into the union.

    On her wedding night, the husband scratches

    off the dot to see whether he has won:-


    A - Taxi license in Brisbane
    B - Convenience store in Melbourne

    C- Service station in Perth,
    D- Kebab shop in Adelaide
    E- Take away cafe in Sydney



    If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

    bern
    • CommentAuthorwhitneypam
    • CommentTimeFeb 15th 2010
     
    HELLO :)
    I have finally been able to log in - I had to change my password.
    It worked after the 3rd attempt of changing it. It didn't like my other choices
    SO if you don't see me on here again you know I have been 'locked' out again.
    I have been coming on as a guest but it is nice to come in as ME

    Pam
    • CommentAuthorwhitneypam
    • CommentTimeFeb 18th 2010
     
    HELLO-o-o-o

    Anybody there ???????????
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 18th 2010
     
    Yep Pam - I just came here and there is one guest too.

    I just heard our Torah Bright won gold in the women's halfpipe - that's fantastic for our Aussie team!

    The women's downhill was very exciting and won by the US Lindsay Vonn - Karl is thrilled that Austrian girls came 3rd and 4th.

    We watched, and were hanging on at every turn, putting all our effort into helping them stay upright and go fast.
    Today, we're exhausted from all that skiing and halfpipe board riding.

    Barby
  7.  
    Yes Barby, that was a good start for the Olympics for our team.

    It is four months since Jessica Watson sailed from Sydney on 18 October. She has passed the 14,000 nautical mile mark of her solo circumnavigation. She is heading south east into cold wet and windy conditions She’s got just under 600nm sailing to pass under the Cape of Good Hope, the southern tip of South Africa. http://youngestround.blogspot.com

    Shaun Quincey has been paddling the ditch for 31 days. He is about half way as the crow flies. The wind and currents keep him going in circles, but he is making headway towards NZ.
    http://www.tasmantrespasser.com

    Computer virises.

    Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations around the world.

    Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

    Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

    Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.


    Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.


    Aust. Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

    Barry
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES and 1guest
    Back to the no sleep nights , watched the Snow games , boy you have to dip your lid to the Aussie Gang
    it must be in the air , that we inhale to - get up and go - that seems to in the sport people,
    then I had to wait till the games finished for the night , before i could watch my Sydney Swans ,match
    GO you good things
    bern with a Swan SMILE

    With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

    Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, And then the trouble started.

    bern
  8.  
    I didn’t know who Larry LaPrise was.
    By searching the web I found that he did not die last week aged 93.
    He died 14 years ago, the 4th of April 1996, aged 83.
    I expect that a special coffin was made with room to shake it all about.

    Shaun Quincey half way across the Tasman

    http://us1.campaign-archive.com/?u=7dd713cef267bc170bb3f8dcc&id=3b7af7f9c3&e=7c00cfa700




    A riddle for the day

    Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

    Sir Jo Bjelke-Petersen had a big one too.

    Brett Lee has a small one.

    Madonna doesn't have one.

    The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

    Clinton uses his all the time.

    Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

    Liberace never used his on women.

    Tiger Woods is keeping his hidden at the moment.

    Kevin Rudd's wife, Therese Rein, doesn’t use his.


    What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    The answer is: "Their Last Name."


    Barry
    • CommentAuthorwhitneypam
    • CommentTimeFeb 21st 2010
     
    Good morning

    I am also enthralled by the Winter Olympics - holding my breath at some of the events.
    I'm afraid I am not a daredevil but I take my hat off to all the competitors esp those going down the sliding track.
    They must be all adrenaline junkies!! How some of them just get up and walk away from some of those spills amazes me.

    Pam
  9.  
    Yes Pam, very exciting.

    A disastrous run by our bobsleigh double team sliding most of the way on their heads with no obvious physical injury.

    Our Rush Labs team have compared Shaun Quincey’s paddle with Justin & James at day 30 and they are in much the same place with half way to go. Is his glass half full or half empty?

    See their maps at:
    http://rushlabs.com/2010/02/tasman-trespasser-halfway-expedition-analysis/

    Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.


    Barry
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 21st 2010
     
    Hi all, I've been away a while.

    It's good to see such good news about our adventurers. Both have been surfing waves in different parts of the world. What a thrill!

    Shaun is halfway to NZ doing fantastically well on his own.

    Jessica is almost to the Cape of Good Hope, then back to the land of Oz.

    Did anyone feel disappointed and stunned by the court case Larrikin Music brought against Men at Work claiming they stole the tune from the 'Kookaburra' song by playing part of the tune in 'The Land Down Under' - for all these years it hasn't dawned on me that it was anything like the Kookaburra song, I thought the flute was just a bird-like trill. I think the Larrikin company was only trying to make a grab for money. It's quite disgraceful to claim, seeing they only bought the rights to the song in the last few years. They apparently want 60% of the royalties. If the Kookaburra tune is so obvious, why wasn't it challenged many years ago when 'Land Down Under' was first released?

    'Land Down Under' was sung at the America's Cup, the Sydney Olympics and the Melbourne Commonwealth Games at every event over and over again, just like Waltzing Matilda - I've been to many cricket games where it has been played. We all feel it is another national song we sing with pride. Now I feel it has been used in an opportunistic grap by Larrikin Music.

    What do you think?

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    Yes barby I agree with your view ,
    My way of thinking ,is that the ownersnever thought about it been close to their song, BUT one day having a beer with a chap with a chip on his shoulder ,says" have you notice that is close to your tune , take them to court you might get a quid out of it "
    why is it today you cannot live a quite life ,the only thing they { who is they? } havent bared is farting in the park , send me back to 1950,
    you could say Hallo and get one back , go away for 2weeks and never think of locking the house,
    the only mugging was to getting a drink out of it ' pubs shut at 6pm, no fights at 2am as every one was home in bed asleep
    Me and 6 mates ,missed the last train home we had 7 miles to walk , about half way there a car pulled up a policeman got out,{they used their own car then}..... "what are you young buggers up to '.." missed the last train and walking home" ...each of us got a kick up the bum and told to walk farster
    we never miss the last train again and best of all DAD never found out , we would of got more than a kick up the ring

    bern
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd 2010
     
    There are 12 guests today, and me .. maybe that's a record
    Hello guests!
    Maybe they're all following the Tasman Trespasser Shaun as he keeps going south.
    I hope he gets favourable winds soon in the right direction!

    It looks as if Jessica could be almost around the Cape by now and on her way back to the land of Oz.

    Some beautiful words:
    Work as if you have no need of money
    Love as if nobody ever made you suffer
    Dance as if nobody is watching you
    Sing as if nobody is hearing you
    Live as if Paradise was on this earth

    Barby
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd 2010
     
    If you are thinking of cooking turkey at Easter, here are instructions .. by a kindergarten student

    The grocery store gets the turkey by hunting in the forest. You yell "turkeys" and the turkeys come running, and then they kill them.
    They wash the turkeys by putting them in the shower and using soap and a sponge. Dry it off with a big towel.
    Poke a hole in the front of the turkey. Put the things that are out inside the body like the head, legs, arms, beak, eyes and nose. Now you can't see those parts.
    Take off the feathers. Peal the skin off the turkey. Then you wash the turkey again.
    Add stuffing, potatoes, and apple juice.
    Put some bones inside the turkey because I saw bones sticking out of it once.
    Put chicken in the turkey because it smells yummy.
    Cook it in the oven for 20 minutes.
    It will ding and it looks yummy.

    Barby
  10.  
    Bern
    It is ok to remember about the good old days. Some things were better then. How would we have been at our present ages back in the 1950’s without the modern technology we take for granted now?
    You wouldn’t have been able to have your defibrillator and I couldn’t have had my knee replacements, as these artificial body parts hadn’t been invented. These things have only been around for about 30 years.

    Who would have thought in the 50's that we would have the internet in the naughties. Without it we wouldn’t have met here. Remember when we wrote letters and licked stamps to comunicate?

    GRANDMA CHANGED

    In the dim and distant past
    When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
    Grandma used to rock and knit,
    Crochet, tat and baby sit.

    When the kids were in a jam,
    They could always call on Gran.
    But today she's in the gym,
    Exercising to keep slim.

    She's checking the web or surfing the net,
    Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
    Nothing seems to stop or block her,
    Now that Grandma's off her rocker.

    Barry
    • CommentAuthorsally
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd 2010
     
    Hello Everyone,

    smile

    Subject: The barber


    A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
    can get a haircut?'

    The barber looked around the shop full of customers
    and said, 'About 2 hours.'

    The guy left.

    A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in
    the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a
    haircut?'

    The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3
    hours.'

    The guy left.

    A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the
    shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?*

    The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About
    an hour and a half '

    The guy left.

    The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey,
    Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he
    goes.

    He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but
    then he doesn't ever come back.'

    A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing
    hysterically.
    The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy
    go when he leaves?'

    Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his
    eyes and said,

    'Your house!'

    Aunty Sal
  11.  
    Shaun Quincey has had a few challenges in the middle of the Tasman.
    First the currents and winds have been keeping him away from New Zealand.
    His water maker has stopped making fresh water.
    He broke an oar.
    He lost his favourite hat overboard.
    To make it worse his 7 metre row boat was rolled several times last night and was upside down for 20 minutes
    He is still about 1000 km from NZ.

    He got a little shaken up, but is back to rowing in the right direction and hopes to get home in 20 days.
    http://www.tasmantrespasser.com

    I will only cross the ditch in a jumbo jet or an ocean liner. It is not only a matter of size. The Titanic sank and it was the biggest in its time.

    How old are you?
    A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

    "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

    "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

    "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

    "Twenty-six," he said.

    Barby
    I see you lurking.

    Barry
  12.  
    Hello All,
    Back for a visit. So much is happening with Shaun, Jessica Watson and now the folks at www.taliskerbountyboat.com (Blog - http://www.bountyboat.blogspot.com/)
    Hope all is well. So wonderful to still see this forum going well.
    My problem is I follow to many blogs, ahhhh.
    Mum (Jan) is going well. Mr. Chip still active and swimming a lot.
    Love to all .
    Beky
    • CommentAuthorbspad
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2010
     
    Hi Bek

    I was up your way today .... managed to get lost, which is most unlike me, but eventually found my way out of the complicated road system and the hills and eventually back home.

    Glad to hear you are all well - lots of love

    barby
    • CommentAuthorlil9934
    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2010
     
    MORNING FORUMITES
    Hi , Becky, please say G/Day to MUM
    not much fun going on up here, the only thing going great is the grass, nearly that way to cut it twice a week
    Jess on her way home , Shaun run into the rats whirlpool he has got guts

    smile

    Old Fart AFL Football

    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Goal 6 Points.'

    His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
    The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Goal, tied score.'

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
    'Aha. I'm ahead 12 points to 6.'

    Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
    'Goal, tied score.'

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, a
    'Point, I lead 13 to 12.' Now the pressure is on the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
    Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally sxxts in the bed.

    The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

    The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.

    bern